Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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