Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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