I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
