I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
