saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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