my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
