so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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