good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
