he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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