saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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