Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
