So drunk, too bad you don't want this
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
