Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Shame - the story of my life.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
