you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
