Define "chronic" masturbator.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
