yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
