Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
