So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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