Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
