Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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