The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
