if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
