Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
