An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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