I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i dont even know how to be here
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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