did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize