I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
