I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
There's even glitter on my cock...
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