this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Someone shattered a urinal.
As shirtless as possible
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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