Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize