I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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