I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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