Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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