I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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