dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
