I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
try to milk me bitch
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
