you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
