we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
