I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
