Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
