There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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