I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
