Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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