the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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