The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
