u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
