i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
