He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
