I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
