Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
