how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
