I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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