I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
