is your mom at the bar?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
