Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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