im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm like, not good at living.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
