rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
