he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
