I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
