like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
