do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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