I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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