i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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