i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
