I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize