The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
